When the Doldroms Slip In

I've been struggling a bit for the past twenty-four hours. Basically, I'm just bogged down by all the stuff! I pictured myself blowing through the house and cleaning it all out in a week, but that's not looking too realistic right now.

And then what? Clearing out the junk is only a small part of halving. I still need to sell my house (and I have mixed feelings about that). I also need to tackle my bills. That's going to take a whole lot of innovation and teamwork, and I haven't even informed my "team" that we're doing this.

Why?

Well, because the end goal is really my goal. I want to live in a cottage by the sea. I want to return to where life is sunny and beautiful. (And expensive). That's my dream. And my husband, well.....it's kind of his dream. Sort of.

We both like the idea of an interesting life - small, portable, wacky. Preferably with interesting architecture. But where I'd probably throw caution to the wind and move to Arizona right now and build a straw bale house, dh tends to think of things like retirement. College. Braces.

Of course, the irony is that he used to want the simpler life and I was the one demanding college and braces. We're just out of sync.

I'm trying to show my husband that I'm ready now. That I can give up my things if that's what it takes to live an interesting, exciting life. I've also gone from thinking we have to pay 100% of our kids' college education to thinking we can play a reasonably supportive role but leave it mostly to them.

I'm still adamant about braces.

I promised at the beginning to tell it like it is, and it's like this: neither my husband or I are perfect. We're getting a little older, a little wiser and a littler more scared, too. This oppresses me. In fact, it makes me want to cry in frustration. If I'd been ready for the simple life 10 years ago we might not have left California. Did my chance pass me by? Can I not ever just get life right?

And I'm kicking myself, because I know this is the good part, too - with all its stuff and kids and school and dentist appointments and stupid, boring middle-classishness. This is the really good part, and now I'm whining my way through it. Aaaarrrgh.

Back to work. I believe in this. Whether I stay or go makes no difference. Halving will free up time and energy for life, itself, wherever I am.